Us Brits love a good moan! We love to pass on the blame to other people, the weather, the economy, the referee … the reason we haven’t done something, why we are annoyed or unhappy. We tell ourselves that these are the reasons we aren’t wealthy, healthy, successful, fulfilled, achieving more, living that dream life that we want to live.
Give me a break!! That dream life isn’t running away from you because it’s raining or because “It’s a busy period at work” or because Brexit isn’t done.
In fact, there’s a much simpler reason why you are feeling stuck, why you feel like you can’t achieve more, why you feel like you can’t change jobs, move houses, why you can’t lose weight, why you can’t achieve that goal that you want ‘so badly’, the one which will make you happier and more fulfilled!
When I felt like this, I was in a job that was completely unfulfilling and I felt like I had no way out. Every day I felt miserable and all I remember saying was “I wish”….”I would love to….” “One day….”. I kept dreaming, but I kept making excuses; there was always one reason or another that created a barrier. I knew I could achieve what I wanted, but there were so many reasons, all of which were “out of my control”, which were stopping me from doing so.
But, a year later, I have achieved them. What I wanted – to have more time, more flexibility, to be completely in charge of my income and my diary, to feel fulfilled in my work – I now have all of that. It didn’t happen because politics was suddenly on my side or because I won the lottery or because another hour magically got added into my 24 hour day… I’m not Hermione (apologies for those 0.5% of the world’s population who haven’t read Harry Potter!).
The change was much simpler than any of this. You don’t have to wait for anyone, or anything to happen. You don’t have to wait for the ‘right time’ or the ‘right moment’.
So what is it? How do you start to achieve all of those “I wishes….” “I want…” “I would love to…..”
Ask yourself right now, is everything that you believe is stopping you, really stopping you? Or are they just excuses? Are you not going for a run “because it’s raining” or are you just not committing to it? Are you not in a job you love because you “have to do the years of ‘graft’ first” or are you not in a job you love because you haven’t made the time to get clear on what you want to do, prioritised working towards that and made the necessary commitments to get there? Are you not buying a new house “because you can’t afford a mortgage” or are you just not proactively looking after your money and making a sensible financial plan to get there.
The answer is simple.
“YOU are exactly what is stopping YOU!”
Ultimately you are in complete control of what job you are in, where you live, who you spend your time with, what you eat, what you drink, how much exercise you do. You are in control of your emotions, your attitude, what you say. We can all get caught up in thinking ‘everything is against us’, and yes, at times, things may be more difficult, but when you decide that you want to make a change, that you want to live a different way, feel a different way, only you can make that choice, only you can choose how you respond. When you stop making excuses, when you reframe your beliefs, you will see there are plenty of options, plenty of opportunities, you are not stuck.
Be honest with yourself, where are you making excuses, where are you telling yourself you can’t do something for one reason or another? Become aware of those limiting beliefs and address them, honestly. Are these beliefs based on fact? Or can you reframe them? If you reframed them what would this bring into your life? What lessons would that teach you? What options would this give you? Perhaps look at that job rejection as practice, taking you a step closer to the job that is right for you. Or see that injury as a chance for you to reset and look at the bigger picture.
“Your thoughts are not facts”
It was this simple shift that changed everything for me. I addressed where I was telling myself I couldn’t and I challenged myself by creating new beliefs; beliefs which gave me options, which allowed me to do exactly what I wanted to do.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, but once you start to address the real issue, the real barrier to your happiness, your success, then you can start addressing them properly and making the correct steps towards achieving exactly what you want.
So I challenge you today to start to do the same. Get clearer on what excuses you are making, what you are telling yourself you can’t do. And reframe them. Remind yourself you can do whatever you want, you can feel happy, you can feel fulfilled.
Fiona Moss is a leading life coach supporting women who are stuck to rise up from low self esteem and overcome periods of stress and burnout. She helps them to build back up their self-worth, grow their confidence and by teaching them the importance of putting themselves first she helps them go from stuck to limitless.