How to Stop Comparing Yourself
For many of us, social media plays a significant role in our life and comparison has become a challenge that everyone grapples with from time to time. But, constantly measuring ourselves against others can lead to a downward spiral of self-doubt, stress, and dissatisfaction.
In this blog post, we'll delve into the problems with comparison, examining its impact on mental health and wellbeing, and explore effective strategies to break free from its grip.
The Damaging Effects of Comparison:
As we’ve all expereinced at times, comparison, when unchecked, can have profound negative effects on one's mental and emotional wellbeing. Whether it's comparing career achievements, relationships, wealth, or even physical appearance, the relentless pursuit of measuring up to external standards can result in anxiety, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. The constant need for validation from external sources can create a cycle of dissatisfaction that hinders personal growth and happiness.
We’re all on different paths in life with unique and personal challenges and triumphs. It's easy to look at someone's professional achievements and question your own journey, unaware of the exclusive connections and support that have shaped their success. Constantly comparing ourselves or a different life stage can inadvertently overshadow the present, neglecting the opportunity to revel in your own accomplishments. This self-imposed pressure may pave the way for unnecessary stress, anxiety, and unintended resentment towards those you compare yourself to.
How Much are We Comparing Ourselves?
Stylist magazine recently conducted a study to find out how the mainstream media and social media consume by their audience is influencing how they feel about themselves. The results were alarming. Regardless of how successful they were, only 1 in 10 said they had high self-esteem. And the biggest culprit to a healthy sense of self was comparing their lives with others.
When they dug deeper, asking readers what their real comparison trigger points were, it was ‘people who make life look easy’ that triggered them the most. Following that, 44% of readers couldn’t help but compare when they see others having amazing experiences; for others it was career success (40%) or benchmarking where they’re at in their life compared to their peers (38%) that makes them feel inferior.
Understanding the Roots of Comparison:
To overcome the negative effects of comparison, it's essential to understand its roots. Societal pressures, cultural expectations, and the curated nature of social media contribute to an environment where individuals feel compelled to measure their lives against an often unrealistic standard. Recognizing these external influences is the first step toward breaking free from the comparison trap.
So How do I Stop Comparing Myself?
Limit Social Media Consumption:
Social media often exacerbates the comparison trap by showcasing curated snapshots of others' lives and not surprisingly, studies show this can negatively impact people’s mental health. To break free, it's crucial to establish healthy boundaries with social media. Setting limits on usage and cultivating a conscious awareness of the impact of social media on one's mental state can contribute to a more positive and realistic self-perception.
Embrace Self-Compassion:
Managing comparison should start with cultivating self-compassion. Instead of harsh self-judgment, we can benefit from treating ourselves with kindness and understanding. Our comparison thoughts can be difficult to grapple with. We have to give ourselves love and compassion for these parts of ourselves that are hurting and feeling inferior. Acknowledging that everyone is on their unique journey, with its own set of challenges and victories, helps foster a more compassionate and forgiving attitude towards oneself.
Focus on Personal Growth:
Shifting the focus from external benchmarks to personal growth is a powerful antidote to comparison. The saying the grass is greener where you water it, really is true. When you focus on you and work towards your goals and dreams, you are less likely to compare yourself. Establishing individual goals and celebrating small achievements fosters a sense of accomplishment that is not dependent on external validation. This mindset encourages continuous self-improvement and a healthier perspective on success.
Fully Accept and Validate Yourself:
We often don’t take the time to really sit with ourselves and make peace with our choices and the person we are. In many cases, it’s not that we can’t accept or validate ourselves, it’s that we haven’t decided to. Give yourself permission to fully accept every part of yourself now and validate your choices and who you are. Your past, your current and your future self. We are meant to learn from the past but not be held captive to it. If you are someone who struggles to fully accept yourself, consider that anyone who was in your exact position with your same background would have made the exact same choices. Most of us did our absolute best at the time with what we had available to us. It’s time to fully accept who you are. Until we fully accept ourselves, others can’t.
Cultivate Abundance:
When we compare ourselves to others, it’s coming from a place of lack and it’s signalling to us that something is important to us. Use it as a motivator to get clear on your dreams and goals and decide and know that good things are available to you too. Remind yourself that what’s available to one, is available to another. In other words, if someone else can have it, it’s proof you can too. We can even thank the person in our mind for highlighting something that’s important to us and send them well wishes releasing resistance to good things happening for us.
We’re only envious of those already doing what we were made to do. Envy is a giant, flashing arrow pointing us toward our destiny.
– Glennon Doyle
Practicing Gratitude:
Gratitude is a transformative practice that can counteract the negative effects of comparison. Taking time each day to reflect on personal strengths, accomplishments, and the positive aspects of one's life can shift the focus from what is lacking to what is abundant. Gratitude creates a positive mindset that contributes to overall wellbeing.
Create an Empowered Self-Concept:
Make sure that you are the main character of your life. When we’re comparing, we’re shining a light on others, forgetting that we too have that light within us. If you feel insecure or have low self-worth you will compare yourself more. Take the time to get to know and love yourself and develop a self-concept that’s favourable. Write out who you want to be, how you want to feel predominantly, what you want to believe and how you want to show up in this world. Changing your self-concept doesn’t happen overnight, but if you get clear on who you want to be and work towards being a little more like that person every day, you will eventually become that person. No one is better than you so take people off a pedestal and start to look at the limiting stories you’re telling yourself and challenge them. Is it true that Sara from high school is better than you because she just got that promotion? Of course not! Being magnetic and confident isn’t about having physical beauty, success or wealth. There are plenty of insecure billionaires and super models. It comes from a commitment to loving, accepting and forgiving yourself regularly, being self-compassionate and deciding and knowing that you are worthy, valuable and amazing.
Empowering Self-Talk:
Our inner dialogue shapes our daily experiences, with both constructive and hindering thoughts. Combatting the counterproductive "fear" and "lack" statements within our minds is essential. Dr. David Schechter advocates for simple positive affirmations, acting as a mental exercise to counter and silence negative thoughts. Studies show us that affirmations can serve as a powerful tool to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging tendencies, akin to physical exercises strengthening the body. Whether addressing feelings of lack, comparison, or stress, affirmations work towards reframing thoughts and beliefs without demanding that you suppress your true feelings. And it’s important to do so because our thoughts and beliefs dictate the actions we take. For example, when we feel hopeless, we stop trying to make positive changes and we disengage.
Choose a simple affirmation that feels empowering and good to say:
I am grateful for who I am and who I am becoming
My life matters, I am valuable and important
I choose, love, value and respect myself
I am free of the need to compare myself to others
I know that everyone is different and on their unique paths, so I don’t compare myself to others
I aim to get better every day, I only compare myself to my previous self
Build a Supportive Community:
Surrounding oneself with a supportive community is instrumental for well-being. Sharing experiences, vulnerabilities, and triumphs with trusted friends or mentors creates a space for mutual support and understanding. A strong support system provides encouragement during challenging times and helps individuals navigate the complexities of life with resilience.
Conclusion:
With the amount of time we spend on social media, it’s necessary to proactively support ourselves. By choosing some of the above strategies, we can break free from getting caught up in comparison and learn to love and cherish themselves. Getting stuck in comparison can happen to the best of us so give yourself grace and love when it happens. Embrace your journey, relish the now, and cultivate a mindset that celebrates personal milestones without falling prey to the pitfalls of comparison.
At Wondersource we’re thrilled to empower employees to cultivate mental fitness and propel them towards mentally healthy, healed and thriving professional and personal lives. If you’re looking to support your team in empowering ways, we’d love to hear from you. We bring mental fitness, holistic health care and professional development support to ambitious companies and employees. Reach out at hello@wondersource.co or book a call with us today to learn more.
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